One week old today ❤ I remember having our first baby, and being desperate to get back to normal… To prove I could still do it all – keep on top of work and the house and rush to squish my sore body back into my pre baby clothes and get out and about.
I gritted my teeth through afterpains and tried to hide my bleeding and my sore dripping boobs as visitors after visitors came to see us and baby.
I’ve changed a little since then, reading The Fourth Trimester had a huge impact on me, and I’ve worked hard in recent years to stop caring what anyone else does and listen more closely to what my individual body and temperament needs – and for me that is deep rest, and time to go inward and focus on recovering and just nourishing this little person in these precious first few weeks.
I haven’t left the house, other than to potter in the garden, all week. I could happily do nothing all day but feed and cuddle and watch him sleep.My body is squishy soft and raw and shifting and healing, my boobs are huge and sore and leaky and practically none of my clothes fit / look or feel right. I smell like sour milk mixed with a sweaty football team thanks to breastfeeding and hormonal hot flashes.
My heart is blown wide open, I feel everything so deeply and I cry on the daily, at happy and sad things, or for no reason at all. To see me, I’m a total mess, by societys standards, but here, surrendering to being soft and vulnerable, I feel totally myself and like my heart is overflowing with love and contentment.
These days have been the most slow, precious, revered days of my life so far, and I am just basking in the beauty of this messy, magical time while it lasts, taking many lessons forward with me and trying somehow to put it into words so I never forget ❤ L x
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